Your the best friend that I have ever had and that I will ever have. And about the cutting again…I just don’t know how to explain it. The other day when I told you about all that stuff, I have never told anybody any of that ever, and so it was hard to get out because I didn’t know how to really describe any of it. And I’m sorry for cutting again. I think that next time you come to my house (whenever that is) I am going to show you some stuff. I have been researching a lot lately and taking tests online about all of these different disorders like depression, bipolar, add/adhd, cyclothymia, dysthymia, and stuff like that. I took the tests for all of those and I got all of the symptoms for all of those and I got scores for myself and I know the website to do it and so if you want to take them (and not because I think that you have ADHD like your dad says and not because I think your stupid or anything. I’m just saying that it could be helpful for you to write down the symptoms for all of them so that you know) so if you want to take them you should. And I don’t know what goes on at home, like you said I have no idea what you feel or what you write down in your diary or any of that, and If you don’t want to tell me I will respect that because I know how it feels. And I think I sort of have an idea of what has been going on lately with you because of some things that people have called you or because of stress but like I said I don’t have any idea what is actually going on so don’t take any of what I am saying the wrong way. Please don’t take it as if I think I know everything that goes on in your life and everything that you have been through because I sure as hell don’t know anything. I just said that I might have an idea and I really wouldn’t like to explain anything of what I think over Kik I would much rather talk in person when were at school maybe we could find a private place or if we have a sleepover or something. But I don’t know if you have researched anything, I don’t know what has gone on in your pas And I love you to a death even if it seems sometimes like I don’t I always will and always do and I don’t know what I would do without you. You are an amazing best friend and you are just an amazing person in general and I love you and so please don’t take it like I think I know everything about you I don’t want you to think bad of yourself either because I don’t see anything bad in you. I don’t see any reason for you to be hard on yourself and I guess it’s just like what you said that you don’t want me to be hard on myself but I don’t know how to describe why I am hard on myself I don’t know if you know what I mean but…I hope you get it. And I love you so much Oce I have unconditional love for you your like my family and I don’t know what I would do without you I wouldn’t survive if I didn’t have you. And if you ever need to talk to me about anything you can. I don’t know what’s going on in your head …like…I don’t know if your depressed I don’t know if you’ve made plans for suicide you said that you have no reason to make self inflicted pain because your always in pain and so I don know if it has come to that point where your just done with everything and you want to die but whatever it is please talk to me because I can assure you of one thing I know how all of that feels and I can relate to all of that depression and suicide stuff Please please please I am begging you not to tell anybody any of the stuff I tell you because I trust you not to tell anyone I really trust you and if I lost that trust with you I wouldn’t be able to talk to anyone else because quite frankly your the only person that I am confessing to and that I will talk to I can even talk to a mo fo counselor for Christs sake But I can talk to you Because you mean everything to me and I would kill myself if I lost you I want to say one thing though. That whatever I tell you, whether its about suicide depression or any of that, will you please promise me right now that you won’t tell anybody even if you think telling someone else will help me it won’t trust me I tried telling other people about this stuff and they went off and told adults cause they thought it would help me but it made everything worse and that is why I have such bad trust issues And sometimes if it seems like I am mad at you, I might be mad for a little bit but I won’t be mad forever and just cause we get in fights sometimes doesn’t mean I hate you I will love you forever ;)
This is what my friend replayed with.
I cryed and laughed. I love her so much.